JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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