One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
