I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
