If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
