Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
how drunk are you?
Several
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
