the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
