he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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