Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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