i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
