sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
