The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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