thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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