I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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