He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
