Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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