OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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