i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
