i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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