It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
