And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
