We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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