Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
