you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
