the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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