This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
