there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
