you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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