Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
