So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
