dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
