So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
