don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
