He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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