The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
