I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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