no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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