The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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