I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
