Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
