i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
