I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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