Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
