you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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