you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
