jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
