Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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