she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
