I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
