Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
