You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
