Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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