talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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