Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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